A woman was thinking about finding a pet to keep her company at home. She decided she would look for a beautiful parrot. It wouldn't be as much work as a dog but it would be fun to talk to and hear it speak back.
She went to the nearest pet shop and immediately spotted a beautiful parrot. There was a sign on its cage that said $50.00. "Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said,"Look, I should tell you right off that this bird used to live in a whorehouse and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this for a few moments, but decided to buy the bird anyway.
She took the parrot home and hung its cage up in the living room. She waited for the bird to say something. The parrot looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implications, but then thought, "That's not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new whores." The girls and their mother were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation.
Minutes later, the woman's husband, Ed, came home from work.
The parrot looked at him and said, "Hi Ed!"
When I went to lunch today, I noticed this lady about 70-80 years old sitting on a park bench near J. C. Penney and she was sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said: "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground, brewed coffee." I said: "Well, then why are you crying?" She said: "He makes me home-made soup for lunch and my favourite brownies and then makes love to me half the afternoon." "Well so why are you crying?" She said: "For Dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favourite desert and then makes love to me until 2:00 am."
I said: "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" She said: "I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!